Boundaries 101: Why They’re Not Selfish

If the word “boundary” makes you cringe a little, you’re not alone. For many of us, especially women, saying no can feel like a personal failure. We’ve been conditioned to be helpful, agreeable, and available… even when it costs us our peace.

But here’s the truth: boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re about protecting your energy so you can show up authentically in your relationships and your life.

A boundary might sound like:

• “I can’t take that on right now.”

• “I need some time before I decide.”

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

These are not selfish statements. They are self-respecting ones.

When we go without boundaries, we often feel resentful, overwhelmed, or disconnected from our own needs. We say yes when we mean no, we overcommit, and we quietly burn out. Boundaries are how we stop doing that.

Learning to set them can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to pleasing others. But it gets easier — and it’s one of the most empowering skills you can build in therapy.

So the next time guilt creeps in when you set a limit, remind yourself: this isn’t rejection — it’s self-preservation.

If you’re ready to stop people-pleasing and start protecting your peace, therapy can help you learn to set boundaries that feel empowering not guilt-inducing. Let’s connect to talk about how.